The party went better than expected. All girls and my boys. They didn't interact with the girls at all. Luk colored. Kai sat on couchs and sang the wheels on the bus. We still keep the boys off fabric at home. They can't tell when their pants are wet. Couch sitting is under adult supervision at home. Kai doesn't know how to sit on furniture without goofing off and falling off. So Kai thought he was winning at the party. He made it through cake and presents with only minor weirdness that I'm sure only I was aware of. When we were five minutes to shoes I looked for Kai and he was snuggled up on the couch with a lady we don't know. I went to get him and while I was pulling him away/off her and talking to him "Kai, do you know this lady? No? If we don't know her then she is a stranger. We don't cuddle strangers. Hugs, kisses and cuddles are for family only". However, the entire time she is clinging to him, pulling Kai back to her and telling me that he's fine. She told me several times he was fine. I ignored her, dealt with Kai, got him off her and standing in front of us. Then said to her. He's only been with us a couple years, it's inappropriate for him to go with strangers and cuddle with them. He has to learn the boundries in order to be safe. This lady seemed extremely annoyed.
Every time this happens and I'm told by the stranger that it's ok and that he's fine I'm quite shocked. Were the other kids lining up to sit on strangers laps? No. Because it's not normal!!! Kids are afraid of strangers typically. So, I know this problem is COMMON with adopted kiddos and I'm good about being vigilant with Kai and stopping it every time I see it. What I'm not good at and have no idea how to deal with is the "stranger". I wouldn't dream of cuddling a child I don't know. Why are there people doing this? Or telling me it's ok. It's so incredibly creepy to me. What magic words do I use to difuse the situation? Kai does this often. None of the strangers are actually creepy just clueless and then offended by me stopping the cuddle.
Kai is an easy target for abuse. He needs more protection. He doesn't learn. He has no clue. He would go to ANYONE. He can't tell with words what is happening. I view this issue as supremely serious and dangerous and it alarms me that others don't see it the same way. We went through this with Fei when she was little. She had long outgrown it by the time she was Kai's age though. Lili, Jia and Luk all had good healthy fear of strangers.
