Sigh

 

I don't have a duck problem.  Haha.

Eric was very committed to finding all of them and didn't squack at how many I just couldn't leave behind. 

  Cinderella, Donald, Moana and Pua are still there.  We found Shaggy but no Scooby.  But now I know there is a Scooby Duck.  Oh, and we found Beaker.  Does this mean all of Seasame Street is in duck form too?  I mean, an Oscar Duck for Eric with other ones to hand out from Oscar would be too much fun.

Finding joy.

One moment at a time.

They aren't all for me.

Buzz and Woody are mine!

The villains might stick around for spooky month.

There is a Transformer duck in the back row that is for Kai's Easter stash.  He will be sooo excited.  He lost his last couple ducks.  He packs them everywhere until they're missing ;)

Today's couch buddy.

It's been a busy morning.

An eye appointment first for me.  Then to Service Canada to get Kai's sin card replaced.  We've lost his card.  I needed his number for a form.  We didn't have his citizenship certificate with us.  Why would one need it if you are holding his passport?  Given to him by proving citizenship in their office in the first place.  We carried onto Walmart for pee pads and kitty litter.  We found ducks!

Home.  Then I was allowed to help Eric install the new to us microwave/hood range. We don't normally work well together if it involves tools of any sort.  We did ok today.  Funny thing...four of the kids dislike the new microwave.  Lili hasn't heard it yet. Apparently it's beeps are annoying.  ?  I am completely unaware of the sounds.  Totally unbothered.  I would never have even noticed a difference. 

I made a meal plan for camping and packed a bunch of food from the house.  Then made a shopping list for Friday. I packed my clothes.  Eric and the boys still need to gather warm play clothes.

The new purple stick vacumn arrived.  We can relax a bit on finding a canister for the built in.  I suggested we just use a broom temporarily.  This was met with a stare.  

I finished up some paperwork I've been dragging my feet on.  It was long and tedious but my part is done.  Ready to go to the family Doctor for his part next week.

Then my phone appointment with my Endocrinologist.  Sigh.  I came off the Ozempic because you can't be on it for surgeries and since we're functioning with not much notice I just came off.  Everyone says you'll gain weight.  I did.  8 lbs in three months.  With my fasting sugars up too high I now have to go on insulin and go back to the cgm.  Continuous Glucose Monitor.  I didn't want this option.  Sadly I can no longer control things with diet. Even with eating as strictly as humanly possible.  Stupid, stupid pancreas.  Now there are notes to the surgeon that there needs to be an on call Endocrinologist added to the team for procedures.  I am SOOOO extra.  It also means another visit to the diabetes education office to learn how to take the shots.  Sigh.  Sigh.  Big sigh.

The cgm means alarms on my phone.  I despised wearing it before.  I resent the demands of the phone most days and when it starts alarms because you need a snack it moves into being extremely annoying.

It's hard for bodies to heal with unbalanced sugars.  It's hard to be backtracking when I had diabetes in a managed state. Stupid cancer.

Insulin can cause more lows.  I haven't had a single low since being off Ozempic.  Back to wearing my alert  bracelet.  I hate it too. Insulin is ok for surgeries and deemed the most gentle option for the digestive track.

I'm incredibly tired of spending time with me.  I'm simply too much.

My next Dr. appointment is next week and they are booked as 10 minutes.  I suggested she book me two.  They aren't allowed.  Eric has an appointment too, but his will only be a minute.  So perhaps I can steal his 9 that are left.  Ffs.  Get this, we can't book an appointment for Eric to get the next mole biopsied without a consult first.  Even with a recent history of melanoma!  

The tmi part.

Marriage is fun.  Poor Eric.  I went up to bed.  Preparing to have a wee sitz bath for the abcessing fistula that roared back into action with a vengeance.  However there were blood clots and just too much blood in general.  I couldn't tell where it was coming from.  So I had to call Eric.  He couldn't tell either.  There are four options. Anus, vagina, fistula or wound incision. I was tired and in pain so I put on a diaper and just went to bed.  The pain was decreased when I woke so I figured the fistula was settling down.  We ran our errands and once home the bleeding had started again except now it's clear it's vaginal.  Why am I bleeding heavily now, after six days?  The pain has passed.  I'm grateful to be back with just discomfort.

There are too many details.  Complicated, complex, extra.

I was told today by the Endocrinologist that finding new things to look into during scans and tests was totally normal for everyone.  We're all just ticking time bombs.

In the distraction realm, I have a friend in our Jeeping community who is going through extreme trauma.  She was massively victimized.  Her story is all wrapped up in investigations and court proceedings and can be shared at a later date.  In the meantime...its definitely distracting.  I'm begging her to let me write the book turned tv series.

Sassinfrassin fricking fistula.

 

Of course I didn't actually eat cookies but I want to.

I made it out of the house yesterday to grocery shop with Eric.  Overdid it of course.  Too soon.  

Last night the fistula came back with a vengeance.  Relief and treatment is a hot tub.  I can't go in the hot tub until the stitches and wound are under control.  The pain of the fistula makes the pulling stitches a complete non issue.

We passed on the old YJ Jeep for me. 

For a few reason but mostly because I don't have the confidence to even attempt keeping up with the big kids.  So for now Onyx and I will stick to actual roads and try to look cool in our own way.  Although it was fun for a moment to dream.  The leading color theme plan was a black baby dragon car seats and naming it Baby.

Pretty sweet hey?!  

Anyways...onto the next distraction.

I'm camping this weekend with the boys.  We're dropping Jia at work then Eric is setting us up at Rathtrevor and heading back home to get Jia from work.  In the morning he is doing an advanced run with the Epic group.  Mom is getting Jia to work in the afternoon and then Eric will do pick up if he makes it out of the bush in time.  Mom if he doesn't.  Then Eric will join me and the boys.  We don't know if Jia works on Sunday or not. We can't wait for him to be driving himself.

We have friends heading back out on Sunday for a fun ride.  I'm not sure how to swing that.  We'll see.  

The weather doesn't look like camping weather to me.  This is spring break, so it is what it is.  I think there might be a lot of movies happening.

Tomorrow's appointments are eye specialist for me in the morning and Endocrinologist in the afternoon.  

Shockingly there is nothing on the calendar for Thursday.

The purple lines are all appointments.

It's really is a lot these days. 

Oh, and the microwave and built in vacumn both conked out on the same day.  We suspect power surges.  I ordered a vacumn from Amazon and we found a used microwave/hood range on Marketplace.  We would like to replace the built in but it needs a bit of research.  Since ours is 22 plus years old.  These things are just not fun.

Recovery Mode

I kills me to stay still.  I feel fine.  I have a zillion things I could be doing.  From previous experience, not taking the time causes scar tissue that takes years to soften.  So I'm using the manuka honey and paying attention to the pulling stitches.  There is no pain otherwise.  Just the stitches.  That are getting itchy now.

I did turn my ringer off on the phone for the whole weekend.  It was SOOO nice.  I'm definitely going to do that more often.

I have a few things to get done today at my desk.  For now though, it's early, I hit the couch and I have about an hour left of book one of Bridgerton to listen to.  The show was better then the book so far.  It's rare I say that.  There just isn't much eye candy in the book ;)

Home from the surgery.

  The surgery went well today.  I was checked in at 7.  Then the 2nd to go in of the day.  1st was a sweet 15 year old girl having her nail bed removed for cancer.  It won't grow back.  She needs a skin graft now.  Cancer sucks.

There were 8 different things to accomplish today, a 9th added in that she did find the cervix, was able to get inside the uterus and did the d&c, pap and biopsy and also removed several benign looking polyps that were unexpected as they didn't show on mri, ct, pet or ultrasound.  I have had a growth in a very unfortunate spot on the remaining tiny bit of labia left after the labia removal done many years ago.  It was removed today as well.  Yay.  So there are stitches externally.  

I don't have any pain internally although considerably more blood than I was expecting.  Poor Eric came running when I called from the bathroom needing supplies.  The poor guy is going through a lot taking care of me.  I'm a lot.  So extra.  Sigh.  Anyways...

I can already feel the stitches and I suspect that will be the bulk of discomfort.  Right now it feels like it's pulling and starting to sting.

Is this all too much information?  Too bad.  Women should be allowed to talk about women's health.  It's largely mistreated and we have to complain too loud to get help.  Soap box lecture of the day.

I was awakened at 9:30 and allowed to sleep for another 15 minutes while they unhooked everything.  I did have a breathing tube.  So my throat is raspy and feels thick. There were 8 people in the surgery.  Naked in front of 8 people. Oy.  My stress was high.  Blood pressure went up to 126/79, down to 110/69 when I left.  Sugars leaped up to 14! The anesthesiologist gave me insulin and they are dropping finally.  Also caused by stress. I thought I had medical trauma before, these back to back surgeries are definitely adding to the trauma base.  

The little note from Dr. Dennie said everything looked good, all went well and she will call with biopsy results in a few weeks.

While I was waiting to go into surgery I heard nurses talking about Dr Zafarulla and I thought it must be about me, what were the odds someone else there would have the same family Dr.  He apparently called Eric too.  He was flustered.  Obviously finally realizing there have been issues ;)  and he's supposed to be the center point of contact.  I'll call Monday and make an appointment.  Eric needs to go back for his next biopsy mole removal anyways.  And what we both need is another trip to Victoria for an appointment!

Check out this home ownership pride from our locals.

Kai won the whole school closest guess contest.  He was so excited that his resource room teachers could hear him screaming "I won! I won!" from down the hall.  He was offered a different prize but he said it was ok because he wanted to share with the family.  So sweet.  We're letting him have four with each snack.  He's delighted.

In other, other distraction news.  I told Eric if I was stage 3 or 4 that I would use Onyx on the trails.  Then we joked that we should get me a little beater to take out.  When we picked up Oscar from our mechanic friend he asked why Onyx doesn't go out.  I said "Princess but I think I need a 2 door I can take out".  He grinned and said follow me.

Haha.  It's been sitting for two years, it's a mess.  It needs a lot of beautification.  No rust.  He has done the mechanical things needed.  It starts up beautifully. It is ready to run trails tomorrow.  It's too tall for me, I can't get in.  It's too dirty to even contemplate getting in.  Haha.  I thought they were both joking.  The idea is growing on me.  Eric is excited about the project.  It has the motor he would prefer for Oscar.  He is already putting things in the Amazon cart.  It has new tires and a new soft top in the back.  I've only driven Oscar twice on the trails and I did love it.  This one is 35 years old.  Sought after in general.  We would have zero problem selling it if I don't love wheeling.  My other current thought is that it would be fabulously cool for Luk in a couple years.  Luk can't see that yet.  I suggested we could share, he looked horrified.  

Now....this is how great distractions are for me.  Instead of fussing with panic about being knocked out again  Eric and I discussed paint colors, themes and names instead on the way to tje hospital this morning.

Right now it is spray bombed black.  We want to keep it spray bombed so that it is easily touched up since it will get marked up.  If we actually pretty it up too much then I'd hate using it.  

1st idea paint blue camo and name her Clever Girl for a Blue from Jurassic theme.  The YJ was the Jeep used in the movie.

Paint her red, black trim, name it Minnie.

Paint it red name him Elmo.

Paint it black, put blue retro stripes and the colorectal blue ribbon and name it Sapphire.

Eric's idea's:

Leave it black, paint fern leaves all along the bottom and keep the Blue/Jurassic theme minus the camo.

Leave it black, add the dragon scales and eyes like Onyx and name it Baby.

I have to admit although I was leaning to going blue and calling her Sapphire I thought Onyx having a baby mini me is the cutest idea of all.

Feel free to add more for me to ponder.  

It's not a done deal.  It has no papers.  Eric went today to figure out how to get it registered.  I'm ignoring that until Monday.

Still too cute.

 

Facebook memories.

Soooo cute.

I started my day early.  Up at 5:30, drank my liter of water and off to the the hospital for an internal ultrasound.  The hospital it so quiet that early.  I can see why Fei doesn't mind night shifts.

The mass appeared cystic to her.  Although I haven't had vaginal bleeding, I am now after the wand camera.

Eric has taken Oscar to his mechanic.  Something Eric did with seals is leaking so the professional has to redo it.  I'm picking him up and then off to town to find the prep supplies for the two up coming procedures.

I get to have tea with a friend I haven't seen for a while this afternoon.  Little joys.

Update.  I got the intake call from the Sannich Hospital while we were in London Drugs looking for the surgical cleaning sponges.  We bought the last two.  So we're on the hunt for two more.  They didn't have the enemas there either but they did have bags of Panda licorice for 3.99.  Anyways...all sorted with intake.  I was given five page instruction sheets yesterday and the intake person had to go over all of it.  Sigh.

I of course appreciate the help but at the same time I am feeling super over all the medical stuff.

Then I got a message from the secretary for the 1st surgeon.  They all leave so much unsaid and we're left guessing.  So, I was right.  New surgeon isn't checking out the lay of the land (my garden).  He is redoing the biopsy.  Because: “fragmentation and cautery artifact in the sample which hinder the interpretation”. 

Basically not clear margins.  Which is totally normal so why not just tell me?  Frustrating.  So we're still waiting for results.  His redo is on the 26th and my guess is that he will also be attempting to remove the two small tumors (not cancer) but that's just a guess because so little information is shared in the beforehand land.

Gyno Update

 

We saw lots of reports of snow.  Luckily for us we just saw it trying to snow.  Nothing sticking.  Driving in snow isn't scary for Jeepers but other people on the road with us are very scary.

I saw Dr Dennie today.  Gynecologist in Victoria.  There was a long history to discuss in quick point style.

A uterus is typically 4mm thick.  Mine is 7.  A biopsy isn't normally ordered unless it's 11 AND there is vaginal bleeding.  I don't present as needing a biopsy.

However, because of previous cervical cancer and current anal cancer I qualify.  We discussed sedation in a hospital or just take a deep breath and get it done today.  So of course I opted for just get it done.  She gave me a cool fidget to grip.  I was ready to endure.  It was a struggle, she couldn't find my cervix and finally gave up saying I'd earned myself a Hysteroscopy, d&c, biopsies, pap test and general scan.  Yay me.  

Once again.  Complicated.  Sigh.

The uterus is tipped.  This isn't the 1st time I've been told this.  She did tell me she has seen my situation once before.  Once.  

The surgery date is this Friday.  4 - 6 hours.  This includes intake and recovery this time, so a shorter day for Eric.  Sannich Peninsula again. Guess how much he loves hospitals.

The ovary mass is shown on an old ct and has only grown 2cm in the last few years so not a concern.  

I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning at cdh for the ovary mass that I'm to have sent to her anyways.

I told her I didn't have the last Biopsy back that it still shows as canceled on the gateway.  She was able to see it.  She listed off a different cancer name than we were told as a guess.  It doesn't go through the membrane!!  So early stages confirmed.  That's all we know for now.

I emailed Dr. Clements secretary to request a copy.

There was a cancelation today, so lucky, lucky me gets to have the procedure this Friday.  Fully knocked out and told the pain will be high afterwards.  That means serious down time this weekend.  

Oscar Playdates

We started with four and added a fifth during the day.  He found us by calling for Epic Off Road on the radio.  That was entertaining.  

We were on local hills and trails.

All the gorgeous sites.

A crap ton of 'oh shytes'.  We did a whole bunch of trails.  Started off strong with 'fuc# my mirrors' and 'x-trail' then onto new ones for us that we weren't ready for. 'Boobie Bouncer' and 'Broken Gear'.  Oscar got some scuffs.  Everyone there got some stuffs.  It was very tight and technical.

Top of the world.

Wow.

The pictures just never do it justice.

Ryan and family are stuck up a tree.  Oscar's winch to the rescue.  Nothing makes Jeepers happier than using their winches.  

It was a great day, although challenging and exhausting.

Day two, it was just Georgie and Oscar.  We opted for views rather than challenges.  Started out in Lake Cowichan, back road to Nitnat a few stops along the way.  Bamfield, Pachena Bay and dinner at Pizza Factory in Port Alberni then bypass, shortcut back roads home.  In the dark and snow where we came across a few obstacles to overcone.  So the whole day wasn't easy ;) We left at 8:30 and just made it to pick Jia up at 10.  Super long day but so worth it.

Nitnat campground.  Just gorgeous and I want to go back.  We camped there 30 years ago. They fill up in a couple hours for booking online now. There isn't much available and no water sites left for this summer. It's too hard for me to plan summer right now anyways with not knowing my surgery schedule.

Flora Lake.

It was a waterfall day.

So much water out there!

Also an incredible amount of fallen trees.

Bamfield

Pachena Bay

Molly

He actually moved this rock to gain another foot of clearance for the Jeeps.

I forget the name of these falls but the whole day was worth this moment alone.

It's Sarita Falls.

Wow.  Total awe. Soooo loud.

I think I need a ball cap to fit in.

I stayed in the car.  It was freezing out.  Yet another stupid moment by big boys.  Obstacle.  They layed down a few fallen tree pieces and rocks and just climbed over the wall with the Jeeps.   It ended up a lot easier than anticipated. I would have just turned around, I'm the killjoy, weak link in these adventures.  

More waterfalls even in the dark.

We found lots more areas to explore and Jen hasn't ever been to a drive up burger place so we need another play day in the area. 

The kids opted once again to miss all of that.  Go figure.  We went wrong somewhere in the parenting.  Luk is doing a great job of keeping Kai fed while we're off on our adventures.

Back to real life tomorrow.  School, appointments and chores.