Distractions NEEDED

 

Hey Google...what do think about naming my Jeep 'Squirrel'?

Lol. How perfect?!

So, Squirrel is the top runner today.

On a holiday with lots of real life crashing in tonight.  Tears and angst.  Parenting is hard.  Parenting from a distance is harder.  Cancer fucking sucks and reports are hard to read, hard to understand and waiting for interpretation is hard.  I've been alone with the issues for 5 hours.  Eric is out having fun with the friends.  I'm feeling a desperate need to flee and be home.  I likely need a hug, a snack and some water.

Cruise day 1 & 2

 

Dog?

How's that for a bar stool?

Hiding ducks in the artwork.

We attempted to walk the promenade this morning.  I made it a third of the way.

Oh my, 40 minutes of doing muster the old way.  Crammed on deck.  Lord only knows why that hideous practice came back.

Haha.

Day one.  Walked right on.  Easy peasy.  Then sunburnt my nose.  I definitely wasn't expecting sun.

We're having a great time.  I'm tired.  Trying hard not to over do it.  Everyone else was out late.  I went to bed at 9 and got up at 9.  I love the super plush bed, crisp white linens and the swaying of the boat.

The food has been amazing.  That's a bit surprising to me for Holland America but I'm grateful.

Tonight the other five are off to a show.  I opted for the hydro spa.  However, although I feel fine and have only mild discomfort I was dismayed to find out I'm bleeding.  First time since the surgery.  So instead of putting my bathing suit on, I put my nightie on and tucked myself in.  I don't know with any certainty where the blood is coming from.  I want my old normal back.

Tomorrow is Astoria.  The others have been before and I'm probably not up to an adventure.  So, staying on board is the likely scenario.

Distraction

I got a letter from the BC Cancer Cervical Screening people.  The pap is irregular.  I need another procedure for another biopsy.  We're waiting now for a date.  Still no word from pathology re: the last excision from the anus.

Eric had his stitches removed on Monday and he drove past a car lot with this Jeep. He called me, he sent pictures and he was prepared to buy it right that second.  It had just come in, it didn't have a price or inspection. Eric negotiated an as is deal for $7000.

I just couldn't think straight.  Sight unseen for me.  Do I even like driving on trails?  All the morbid thoughts, will I be here long enough to bother?  Will my health even let me get back out there?  Eric pushed.  A friend with a previous cancer battle pointed out how great distractions are. So, even though we leave early tomorrow for our cruise, we had house, yard and pet chores to do, a couple errands in town to run and lab work needed for Kai, we rallied. Eric got up early and was at the lab at opening for Kai's two hour lab tests, I got up early and got Luk to school.  Gramma picked up the boys after school and we just blew off the other errands and we went back to Langford and got me a trails, camping Jeep.

We met friends at the lot and got a bin 4 lunch out after the deal was done and before the insurance part. That was a bonus.

Best parts, Eric negotiated further, we paid $6250  :)  It's already set up for camping.  The back is loaded in extra Jeep parts.  Including a soft top, bikini top, shade top, cargo covers, cooking shelf, Jeep mats, the original front grill and other boxes of unknown things.  The inside is rhino lined so the whole thing can be hosed out.  The back bumper is a fresh water storage container and everything works.

It's a 2007 JKU like Oscar (2008).  A lower trim level, it's a girly Sahara with no lockers.  It is filthy and needs a detail asap.  Only one owner who was in his 70's.  It was towed behind his motorhome. No claims.  It has a drip from the radiator.  Eric already has a new one in the Amazon cart.  Of course.  

I don't know her/his gender or name.  Distraction is the leading name choice so far.  Others are Dragonfly, Manly, Almonzo, Grover, Super Grover, Sapphire, Snoopy and Grumpy.  

We stopped at Goldstream for a potty and photo break.

The grumpy grill is growing on me.

At first I was horrified at that skookum bumper but it actually makes a great bench.

Home.

I can't believe Eric set this up!  I was inside, under blankies, totally chilled.  I heard cars moving but thought he was just playing with the new one.  He texted me this and I totally laughed out loud.
 

Jeep bumbbles.

More projects for Eric to tinker with.  The plan is to remove the back seat and make it my year round camping set up.  Leaving Onyx ready to cart kids around without constantly moving the gear around and bed out.

Soooo fun.  

I need to sleep, it's a super early start tomorrow morning.

 

I'm not bored....you are.

 

Chatgbt.

Too funny.

Esmei knows how to wiggle the closet doors until the magnet let's go.  I suggested something different and up higher.  This is Eric's solution.  He brought it back to the car triumphantly and said this should stop her.  Haha.  It weighs poundage. Let's hope this stops the 7lb fluffball.

Recovery mode activated.

Kai had an Endocrinologist appt this week.  The new meds are through trials and ready for him to join the program.  We signed the paperwork yesterday.  I was woken today with a call from a nurse in Ontario to go over details.  It took half an hour for the intake.  I was told it would be a shot once a week from a pen.  Nope.  Vials and syringes every day.  Oy.  

There are 68 people in Canada with BBS.  Two people in BC are on the drug.  We have now applied for funding.  The other two are funded by the BC Govt.  Here's the scary part.  It's $300,000.00 a year.  $25,000.00 a month or $822 a day!!!!

Very intimidating.

Kai is in considerably better health than his counterparts.  Pat on the back for me for keeping his weight down this far with all of the strict restrictions and monitoring we do. 

He will be closely monitored but we're told this could really be life altering for him.  Quality of life and life extention.  

We have never let him have peanuts in a shell.  The fear he would eat the shell was very real.  Our treat today was to go to Goldstream on the way home and eat our packed lunch then go outside and make a mess with peanuts.

He took it very seriously, he loved it and I'm decently sure he didn't sneak any shells in.

It's top less time.  

Lili was home vacumning her car when I came home.  She joined me for a windy cruise with tunes blaring.

In other, other news.  We're going to attempt getting Kai to wear glasses again.  Sigh.  He doesn't want them.  Jia and I hit Walmart and picked these out.  I told the salesperson he was quite likely to hide them on purpose or throw them away so I wanted them as cheap as possible for a trial pair.  The frames were $18.  I think they look pretty ok.  He is not impressed.  I took him in the next day for measurements.  The lenses were $60.  Then I took him for an ice cream cone at McDonald's.  So he got over the trauma pretty fast.  

They'll be a couple weeks so we have a slight reprieve before we attempt getting him to wear them.

Fei is finished up her term. She got the clinical placement she wanted.  Peds at Vic General.  She's doing that two days a week for a few weeks.  12 hour shifts plus the Malahat twice a day.  She will be wiped out. Ah to be young.

I'm definitely feeling better.  If I'm upright too long it gets more and more uncomfortable.  It's easy for me to over do it.  

Eric is going on a hard run in Nanaimo tomorrow.  I'm no where near ready.  So, of course, I have serious fomo.  I have lots of plans of things I could do tomorrow to find joy and fun.  Or I could settle down, hang out and sulk a bit.  We'll see how I feel tomorrow.  I hate to see perfectly good Saturdays go by with no plans.

Tuesday

 

So close.  I don't have the energy to move in just yet.  It's just super fun to stand in there.  Im hoping Eric hangs the stained glass panel in the window next.

Eric has been busier than usual.  The lawn needs mowing every four days.  The new replacement built in vacumn arrived.  It would be easy to install except we're changing the location.  He needs to cut an access hole into the glory space above the porch for the upstairs air/heat pump unit.  All while he is constantly working on Oscar.  I did ask if some of the damage on Oscar bothered him since he isn't as pretty.  He said no, he's not handsome anymore but rugged.  Haha.

Kai has an eye specialist appointment in Victoria today so Eric is taking him.  I thought I would attempt going but after much debate it was decided that the long drive plus Costco and appointment might be too much for me.  So Eric and Kai will do Costco on their own today and on Thursday when Kai has an Endocrinologist appointment I will go for that one.  It's way more complicated and I will want to see the Dr with Kai.

I did get out twice yesterday.  I went with Eric to the dump in the morning.  Wahoo.  Big day.  In the afternoon we picked up the boys and went to Service Canada.  Still sorting paperwork.  

I definitely am feeling better and having way less accidents.  It's not great.  There are issues.  The pain is still intense.  I have made it to the hot tub twice and that feels fabulous.  I'm terrified I'll poop in there.  Eric is such a hero, he says "then I'll empty it and clean it".  He just wants me to feel better.  Awe.  So far, so good.  There is slight hope for the hydro spa next week.

Rumor is that there is a candy wall at Superstore in Nanaimo.  Family outing goals.  Taking Kai to this would be soooo much fun.  

A week tomorrow.

 

Sasha and Poppy.

Cousins.

Surgery was a week tomorrow.  There is improvement daily and it gives me some hope.  At the same time, it's entirely possible too much damage was done to the sphincter muscle and this could be my new life.  So, these are very painful, scary days.

I did leave the house yesterday to drive Jia to work and Mom and I got vegan, sugar free ice cream in Cow Bay.  Then I needed Eric to lift me out of the Jeep and I had an accident in the driveway.  Sigh.  So, realistically, I'm no where near getting out and about.  Our cruise is in nine days.  I need a LOT more improvement before then.  

I'm bored but not capable of much.

Lots of screens, audio books, online shopping and I just joined the Mars fan club.  

I've been searching for family trip ideas for next Feb.  We have a 9 day window that Fei is on reading break.  We've never done a beach resort.  It's on our list of possibilities.  

Look!!

Water for camping.  I won't have to lug it around or risk spillage inside Onyx.  I have a powered pump for it.  I'm ready to get solo camping.  If only I was potty trained.  Also, my nurse, Fei, isn't so sure I should be solo right now.  Fair.  Sad, but fair.

I found flights from Bellingham to Burbank for $53.  The dream solo Disney trip likely isn't the best idea for right now.  I have too much time on my hands today.  I do have a week free in June.  Anyone want to go with me to supervise me but also leave me alone ;)  Haha.  Kidding...not kidding.

Oy.

 

Facebook memories.  Wee Sassy.

Just some extreme cuteness from puppyhood.

Yup.  Eric got struck.

The rest of us seem fine.  He lost taste but it's coming back.  He had one confusing day of not being able to taste his coffee.  We all heard about it. No fevers. He doesn't appear really sick.  He reported not feeling 'right'.

I on the other hand have entered the pain stage.  Laying on one side or the other is the only relief and even still the area is still stinging.

Tears keep forming but I haven't cried yet.  It's close though.  I have a super high pain tolerance so ya' know it's bad when I can't deal.

I could take pain meds, I have several options here.  They all could cause constipation.  This is not something I'm willing to even contemplate right now.

I haven't left the house.  I'm no where near ready to leave the house.

My disordered eating is back with a vengeance.  Eating causes pooping, pooping causes intolerable pain, so I don't eat and sugars go wonky.  Then I grudgingly eat with huge resentment.  And circle that again and again.

Sleep is worse than ever.

I can't concentrate on a TV show.

Sitting is very unpleasant.  

I have another Doctors appointment this afternoon with the family Dr.  The one with the g.i. doctor the other day went well enough.  I meet with him again after he meets with the surgeon and an agreed upon plan is in place.  Booked for 4 weeks out.  I'm booked to meet the surgeon in three weeks to discuss next steps.  

Guess what....the g.i. doctor says I'm complex.  Hahaha.  

I'm feeling a bit like insanity might be setting in just a little bit here.

On the mundane side, we had an h-vac person come to do a quote to install a/c in our bedroom. He quoted two units, 5900 and 6500.  Eric just went to Home Depot and bought a similar unit for $1000 and will install it himself.  That's quite the upcharge! How do people afford install services?

Funny thing, guy doing the quote was very young.  He hadn't come up against hot water radiators before.  Haha.  He advised we do everything possible to keep them.  Uh, ya, we know.  

Oscar's new metal fenders arrived today from Amazon.  We won't see Eric again until they're installed.  

Lili worked from here today so she could help me with my email problem.  We haven't made any progress this week.  I'm definitely ready to just let our domain emails go.  Too much hassle.  Right now we're stuck because I can't remember a password that was set up in 2002. Lili is attempting a recovery, so that we can migrate to the new server, blah,blah,blah.  

Eric went to Victoria yesterday for his next mole biopsy.  It was a bleeder.  We were up in the wee hours doing a clean bandage change.  Five weeks for the result.  Then recovery time before he can move onto the next one.  I can see the Doctor made a much bigger cut so hopefully the margins are clean.

We were watching a medical show with cancer talk in it and it was alarming how much jargon we understand now.

It's Friday and we have no weekend plans.  So weird.