0 to 4?

 Some answers and even more questions then ever before.  Nothing dire, not horrible news.

No stage was discussed.

The biopsy results aren't back.  So with no confirmation staging can't happen.  He 'suspects' it's Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Anus. Again, not confirmed.

It's not rectal cancer, it is anal.  That distinction was clarified. So it's not rare afterall.  Squamous Cell Carcinoma is rare in the rectum but NOT rare in the anus.  So that's better than the first guess.  Same outcome but not quite as scary.

He wants to do another sigmoid scope and look at the previous surgical files that are too old to be online.  He is also chasing down what the problem is with the second biopsy.  He called us while we were on our way home.  He had a few more history questions.  I was able to confirm that the pet scan showed no lymph node involvement.

My file is going to a panel of oncologists to look for a plan.  Typically chemo and radiation would be next step but my chrones, scar tissue from previous surgeries, fistulas and history of infection will in all likelihood preclude the chemo/radiation protocol.  He feels the board won't even offer that as an option.

Both surgeons have been clear that I would most likely be fecal incontinant and possibly urine as well with chemo and radiation.  It could also aggravate the Chrones.

For best outcome protectomy and stoma are advised.

He asked what my preferred choice was.  Both are horrific.  I would lean to the ileostomy though.

The pet scan did not light up.  

Read that again.

The pet scan did not light up.

Not even at the anus.

I'm hanging onto that sentence.

The pet scan did show two tumors in the rectum that did not show cancer.

Also a spot in my right breast.  Also not showing cancer but he's sending me to a breast surgeon to be safe.

The ovary showed nothing.

The uterus showed nothing.

The existing surgical hernia can not be repaired.

He said usually a 5 day stay for protectomy but he anticipates complications and a longer stay for me.  Recovery will be many months.  Risk of infection and perineal hernia is high and even higher for me.

Guess how many times I've been told I'm complicated?!  

I'm sure I've missed some of today's low down.  It was a LOT.

We went in there having zero clue.  Anywhere from stage 0, cancer is  gone, you're good to go home, all the way up to stage 4c terminal, you're good to go home.  It was draining getting to this appointment.  We didn't talk the whole way there.

So while not great news and horrible choices.  Both options requiring a lot of healing and lifelong implications it's not the end of this battle. It feels a tad more doable today than the nightmares of yesterday.

Funny moment.  Dr. McPhearson said he wanted to do another sigmoid to see for himself.  Because, although the first surgeon took great notes it's like two different people describing a garden.  So my literal mind immediately thinks he just referred to my butt hole as a garden.  Haha.  Get that out of your mind.

We're home.  Tired.  Eric is napping. I'm on the couch, bleeding  and uncomfortable from another rectal exam.  Yeesh. Dinner is prepped already.  The boys are home in an early dismissal day.  Fei is studying.  Jia is at work.  Lili will be home for dinner after work.

And more appointments.

Prep half done.  Body armor on the way and new tail lights arrived today. $250 fix for the win.  Fairs fair....so I ordered a couple accessories for Onyx at the same time.  A bracket system to hold a water jug for camping beside the back door spare tire.  Soooo exciting.  No more spills inside my wee tiny rv space.  Also new door panel storage thingies.  The stock ones were mesh, that stretched and one had a hole.  Replaced with door panel storage thingies with cup holders that didn't allow me to get the seat up close enough to drive.  After an exhaustive search Eric found flat ones online.

I knew what I wanted for the new dressing room flooring.  It is no longer available.  Sigh.  Another exhaustive search met with a NO everywhere we went.  Today we stopped at Rona.  Anither nope.  Last place local to look was United today and they had a selection of 12' rolls.  The store was dead.  We had time to browse.  We're going with a distressed look fake linoleum.  I wanted fake rock, the fake wood is at least the same colors as the fake rock I wanted.  It's warm brown so I'm happy.  Everything out there is just so grey now.

Luk declines jumping into photos now.  Kai saw the pediatrician this morning.  His health is mostly good.  A bit of watch issues with his liver and cholesterol.  He's 5' 7" now and his bmi is down.  His blood pressure was down too. Still slow on puberty issues but they're coming.  No heart checks or tests until 2027.  Next is more bloodwork and ultra sounds, that he gets every six months.  He no longer freaks out at bloodwork.  Good thing because there is no way I can hold him on my lap anymore!

We went to Costco.  Stocked up on groceries and protein powder, shakes, bars, bread and treats.  All sugar free with protein added.  The boys don't love shopping but it's better than school so they got into it a bit.  Kai enjoyed all the snacks they have to hand out.  We scored finding Auntie Julie in there too :)

Next was the eye specialist in Victoria for Luk.  Apparently this was super boring for Kai.  Haha.  Eric woke him up when the loud snoring started.

No news on Luk's eyes.  He is tested every six months and sees the eyr Dr once a year.  Today was just tests.

Check out the $149 chocolate bunny at Costco.  Who would ever buy this? I wonder how much it weighs?

Luk and Kai were hoping for poutine at Costco but the food counter was closed. So we went to the mall.  Burritos for Kai and I.  Chinese for Luk and Eric.  It was a good day overall.

Is anyone following the story of Punch-Kun, in Japan.  He has a new adoptive Mom.  Awe.  So sweet.  Then news today of another baby pygmy hippo born named Jellybean.  

I have an ultrasound booked to look at the giant mass on my ovary.  Tomorrow I meet with the next surgeon.  Soooo much dread for this appointment.  

I'm such a planner.  Always working on fun things.  Unable to plan is brutal. This time of complete confusion and having no answers or plan in place has been difficult.  Being an action oriented person I'm sure hoping knowing what the plan is will help.

West Coast Therapy.

 

Such a great relaxing wheeling day.  Quite refreshing to be a small group with three capable Rubicons.  

We hit snow, pelting rain, severe wind, puddles galore, chunky mud, decent obstacles, gorgeous forest areas, views and more views, three lakes, a giant rainbow, sunny skies, friendly people and some laughs.  It was an all around good mental health therapy day.

The wind up here was a bit scary.  We all opted to turn back down versus continuing to play up top.

This is Mike, who led the day today.

We went in at Nanoose, spent seven hours on the trails and popped out at Errington.

Found another cabin.

The giant rainbow.

Such a great find.

The sign.  Haha.  

This little area that looks so harmless.

Oscar got a pretty decent owie backing up in that harmless looking area.  The tree Eric backed into was embarrassingly small.  We can easily replace the light but there is body damage.  Oopsie daisy.  Big boy Legos.

Fei got home last night.  We had a late dinner.  Our tradition of dumplings for the family during Lunar New Year.  Yum.  

We also celebrated Fei's Birthday.

Just call me Toothless.

 

Dental surgery yesterday.  Local freezing.  Not advisable but my only real option re: cancer.  So I was brave.  It wasn't painful but omg it was definitely horrifying.  The sound of your tooth being broken into pieces is soooo gross and crazy loud.  It bled for hours.  There are two pages of after care instructions. I drove myself and got to listen to my audio book there and back.  That part was nice.  The drooling the whole way home wasn't so great.  It comes with more diet restrictions.  Sigh.

I didn't sleep well, I was supposed to be elevated.  Instead in the wee hours I ditched the extra pillow and finally got a few hours.  I was waiting for the extreme pain, swelling and bruising but so far it's been only mildly annoying.

I did get out today.  Jia to the Dr. then Ramen.  A Walmart trip.  Picked up the boys.  Home for dinner and this evening we went to a 4x4 gathering in town.  It was cold and then it started to snow so we skedaddled.  We were back by 8 and all three teens are sleeping.  Wild.  Are we supposed to wake them for snacks or leave them alone?

We got in Oscar and his battery was dead.  Likely Eric left his built in compressor on.  So we had to take Onyx.  Embarrassing for Eric, but fun for me.  I met the owners wife of Cap-It and she came out to see my camp set up.  She's going to sus out a water container rack for my back door ;)

I keep thinking tomorrow is free because there isn't much on the calendar.  Except Fei is home tomorrow, we are doing our family dumpling night for Lunar New Year and celebrating Fei.  So it will be a busy day.  Making enough dumplings for this crew will take me a good while.

We have wheeling plans for Sunday.  Heading out with Jen and her crew on trails near Parksville we've never been on.  Then night wheeling again on Monday.

Cenote.  So fun.

I wonder if they want to come home.  Looks and sounds like they had a great time.

Random

 

Fei and friends are enjoying themselves.

A very odd occurrence.  All six pets in the same room, enjoying treats together.

The Ninja Creami is my current favorite thing.  Canned peaches with peach yogurt.  Sugar free ice cream variety for the win!

Tonight I get fresh strawberries with field berry yogurt.  Can't wait.

I got a call yesterday with an appointment with the surgeon who will do the protectomy. It's next Wednesday.  Dread.  Big dread.  BIG, BIG DREAD.

Today is quiet.  I'm waiting for a call for my dental surgery time for tomorrow.  Except I can't have dental surgery re: the cancer so the Dentist is going to use freezing instead.  A little apprehensive about this.  It was decided by him that a Chrones person chould handle this level of pain easily.  All the fun things I have to look forward to.  

It's possible today will include some wallowing.

Kai's Gotcha

Hanging with Jax.

We went to Mary and Charles for a Lunar New Year gathering.  Kai whipped in the house and got this comfy in seconds.

We went for Chinese buffet after.  He was thrilled.

 

test

Omg, I randomly went to the app and it let me post a picture!  Could it be that blogging just got stupid easy again?!  

His hair.  And the blog let me post a 2nd picture.  Life altering.

On a second try the pictures posted sideways again.  So, nope, not fixed.