I've heard a lot of strange things from people through the years. Some never to be forgotten.
When Lili was a baby a friend told us there was a chip planted in her that the Chinese govt. would activate one day and she would turn on our Country. Friendship didn't last surprisingly.
During a domestic adoption attempt we had a family member suggest that dicipline be left up to the bio mother. ? Because that's practical. Also had a family member suggest our girls could date their cousins because they weren't really related. Ew. Super EW.
We've been asked over and over again if the kids are siblings. I know people are asking if they are biologically connected but I always just say "yes, they are all ours". We used to get the twin question with Lili and Fei, who didn't look alike at all. Now we get it with Luk and Kai, who really really don't look alike and are 14 lbs apart. The kids totally don't get why anyone would care about bio connections. Especially while surrounded in split and blended families.
We used to get asked why China. I could talk for days about that. So I would often ask "do you want the long version?" Turns out most people don't want the long version. We don't get this question so much anymore.
I used to have people tell me that we must not like boys since we have girls. Tricky one, it wasn't that we didn't like boys, it was that we got to choose and I wanted a girl and Eric didn't care. Or he wanted me to have what I wanted. Since Luk, we haven't been questioned on this.
We've heard many times in front of the kids that China hates girls. GRRRR. Now we don't hear that as much as 'how did you get boys? I thought China kept their boys?'
I've had total strangers ask me in front of the kids how much they cost.
We've had two separate older men ask if we can return them. ?
I had a man give me crap for bringing in those kind of kids into our country.
We've had a Mom at school tell us she won't buy anything made in China. Several times. It's an odd thing to singularly tell someone.
We've had people complain to us about how many Asian people are here. Seriously, do they think we'll join in with their complaint?!
All to say, we've heard a lot of adoption ignorance through the years. For the most part it bounces off of us. Mostly I prefer to show the kids that life can be positive, especially about how we are a family. I gently correct terminallogy. I answer in simple positive ways. We include the kids in answering. We try to never make a big deal. I've gotten VERY good at reading when someone is staring and is going to approach us. Sometimes it's just to tell how well behaved our kids are :)
So you'd think I wouldn't be too shocked by much anymore. Yet, yesterday I had a fellow at work ask me how the kids are, I said "great, we've got a new son, do you want to see a picture?" he looked, smiled and said "you can have so many because those Asian kids are easier to raise". You'd think I would know better but I said "oh? why is that?" Turns out it's because their parents in China push them and they are smart and like to read. Makes you go hmm. So five sets of Chinese bio parents in China are pushing OUR kids here in Canada to do better and read more. I do wonder if he will ponder his ideas. At least Sue and I had a good laugh about that after he left.
Ok, then this morning a Mom at school that normally doesn't talk to me approached and told me she'd heard from Melissa (I don't know a Melissa) that we had another child. Then she was asking how he was adjusting. Questions that usually come from other adoptive parents. I'm always mindful of families that are interested in adopting. Always advocating for kids to find homes. Then she told me she was reading about kids in concentration camps and was comparing Kai's experience. Ugh! I don't get that connection. No one is trying to kill off all the kids in Chinese orphanages and they aren't being starved. I could go on but really what is the point. Jia was annoyed at my attention being off of her and the bell rang and the other Mom had to rush home, she'd forgotten her daughters boots for the field trip.
Time to put my blinders back on and avoid eye contact for awhile. Because WOW. Just WOW.
Again...for the record...when anyone adds a child to their family through birth or adoption at any age, the correct response is always, "Congratulations".
Middle of the night. Can't sleep. Too much on my mind I guess. Also insanely excited. We're going to Victoria tomorrow to see if we can feed the seals at Fishermans wharf. Gotta try for some more shut eye. Boys will be up soon.
