Well so far 2026 is sucking pretty hard. Yesterday was truely awful saying goodbye to my furbaby. Today Eric and I met with my surgeon.
I have cancer.
In the rectum and anus. So, so glamorous.
Typically chemo and radiation would be the treatment plan but not for me because there are four fistulas. We were told the most likely scenario will be the total removal of rectum and anus (Barbie Butt) and a colostomy (stoma and bag). The mri didn't show further issues in the area but unfortunately shows issues in the uterus. Next steps are another surgery Jan 26 for more biopsies for more conclusive answers. A pet scan. Blood work. A referral to a different surgeon for the abdominoperineal resection and ileostomy. Another referral to a gyno specialist to investigate the thickened wall. Most likely biopsies and then a hysterectomy. The surgeon today didn't feel she could really speak about that part. She did ask if we could cancel our trip.
The kids have been told. It's not secret. I told them there were lots of tests and big surgeries coming up and that I would let them know when it's time to worry. For now we're hoping for cut to cure outcomes.
I am NOT at all delighted about a bag. A permanent bag. Ew, ew, ew. This just sucks big time. Part of me is surprised I made it this far without a bag so we aren't shocked. Just disappointed.
Funny sidebar. Luk and Jia were together so I told them we needed to talk. Eric got Kai to put his phone down. I wouldn't have bothered because there is no way he could understand. He ended up in tears because he was upset about putting his phone down. None of the kids are ok with the news. Except Kai ;)
Eric and I will muddle through as we do with all medical trials. Step by step and day by day. He is still dealing with melanoma. We will be using humor and often dark humor for our coping mechanisms. So far, there have been lots of off color and gross jokes. Also distractions. Lots and lots of distractions.
Packing has started for the trip we may or may not be able to go on.
I did suggest to Eric that he and the kids could still go, that I didn't need him here for biopsies and tests. He doesn't love that plan.
I have my ducks in a row for the three cruises booked.
I finally picked the dragon tarp. Red dragon with roses.
The closet room is primered and ready for paint.
We finally met Dm and Al's new puppy on the weekend. Satchmo. He is a perfect floppy doll and oh so adorable.
Eric and I headed out snow wheeling, just us. He wanted to try out Onyx and make sure everything was working. It is. However the lever is still too hard for me to pull into gear. The snow was heavy after all the rain and difficult to drive in. It was like diving in Autotopia.
Beach shoes ready for me and the kids. We had fun tonight figuring out the jibbitz. Back left is me, grey is Kai, navy is Luk and front right is Jia.
I miss Finn.
He was a big personality and it's just too quiet here.
